You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand. ~Psalm 16:11
With the new year here I, just like thousands of other people had this undeniable urge to make new goals, new changes and to dig a little bit deeper into who I am. It seems as though even with my big accomplishments of 2010 I still ended the year feeling defeated and a little bit empty inside. I felt like although I accomplished loosing 40 pounds, started a small business, took on more responsiblity at work and church that I had lost my smile somewhere along the way. I felt like my marriage went from good to mediocre and I didn’t really know why. Then the big Epiphany… dun dunt dunt dunnn… I realized that my self-worth and my happiness was constantly depending on the happiness and approval of those around me and I became suddenly awakened by the fact that most of the people around me were not happy. Why did I allow other people’s moods and opinions define who I am? The only educated guess I have is that it stems from my childhood, but that is a whole other blog. As usual though I could hear that still small voice telling me that I am so much more, my spirit still was not settled. I would find myself constantly trying to remember back when I had that smile, the one that would often get made fun of because it slightly resembled the smile Elvis Presley had. Desperately trying to grasp that feeling of joy and happiness. I could almost feel it, like a word your forgot but is stuck on the tip of your tongue. So now I knew what my problem was but how would I fix it? Again, that still small voice whispered in my ear and Project 31(my journey through Proverbs 31) was birthed within me. God knew that There is nothing more important to me than to have a strong Godly marriage., even though I do not really know what that looks like I am diligent in finding it and becoming the wife I am supposed to me. I realized God was telling me to stop looking at everything/everyone around me and start looking inside of me and that is when I stumbled upon Proverbs 31. God was in His ever so gentle way telling me, “My beautiful child, here is where you start now move along.” He was nudging me (and I love that about Him) I started very slowly with just a few changes, the first change I made was to read proverbs 31 everyday, soaking it up. Secondly I decided that I will make a choice to be happy and try to stay in the moment, I came to the terms with the fact that I can not control anyone but myself. Thirdly I have begun praying every night for my husband, even if I do not feel like it. It has only been a mere 2 weeks since I started this process but I have noticed my smile coming around more often. I also noticed that just when I am finding my peace the devil attacks, and this is the very reason I must stay in the word of God and prayed up for my marriage and for my husband because the devil is not just going to attack me, no no No! he is much more conniving than that, he is going to go straight for my husband to try to create conflict and distress in our marriage. So with each new day I am learning that no matter what the challenge is Jesus already bared the burden so there is really no true reason to lose hope or happiness for that fact. Every morning I am renewed in my faith, in my God in my marriage and my family is stronger and I am finding that funny Elvis smile I once had. My heart is set on fire, to encourage and love others. I want to fight the good fight for strong Christian Marriages, I want to leave a legacy for our son and his children one day, to grow a mighty oak full of fruit! This is just the beginning and I believe that by this time next year I will be writing about the many accomplishments, miracles and blessing that took place in our life’s!
xoxo
Laurie
Captivated 